- carrot + avocado (doesn’t juice well) + asparagus + celery + cucumber + tomato + apple + pomegranate + berries (raspberries, blueberries, blackberries, strawberries)
- 3 small bowls of fruit
- 3 bowls of salad + spriluna + sunflower seeds
- 2 bananas
- 1 avocado
Ate a bit too much for my liking today… I did a 15 minute ab workout with… Let’s call her Barry. She’s actually the uber awesome one I mentioned earlier. I went into her bedroom late at night yesterday and talked to her about my insecurities about my body image. She’s the president of the body beautiful club so I thought hey, maybe I could talk to her. An amazing thing happened. She opened up to me about her insecurities too, gave me advice, and told me some of the kindest words I’ve heard in a while. Tears streamed down my cheeks and I embraced her.
- Same juice from day 8: carrot + avocado (doesn’t juice well) + asparagus + celery + cucumber + tomato + apple + pomegranate + berries (raspberries, blueberries, blackberries, strawberries)
- My diet wasn’t recorded
I had a breakdown yesterday night. I talked to Barry, my roomates and two seniors next door. They comforted me and let me know that people do actually care about me.
- pineapple, blueberries, strawberries, carrot, asparagus, celery, cucumber, apple, bannana… almost every basic fruit in America. We wanted to go out with a bang on the last day.
- Avocado with butter. I started adding grass-fed organic butter on the last days because I was worried that my emotional state possibly had to do with loss of critical nutrients. Don’t remember what else I ate… probably a variation of food on the other days in the fast.
Skipped my first 2 morning classes and went to the guidance counselor. A floodgate of emotion washed over me as I talked about deep rooted family issues and insecurities. I realized that my beliefs stemming from these traumatic events were still overriding my life. They colored my every move, every moment without me even aware. I hadn’t talked to my family that week or done anything related to them in particular. The emotions about them just whipped out of me.
I didn’t update this fast for a while afterwards because I was extremely busy at the time with my classes, extra schoolwork from the missed clases, and activities while trying to deal with the tsunami of deep-rooted emotional trauma that burst out from the gates of hell. I needed time to figure things out… and try to somewhat hold my composure because, sadly, I couldn’t just drop everything and leave to deal with my emotions. After talking to my counselor, I went to take a much needed nap. When you sleep, your body heals and repairs itself… I could definitely feel that during my rest, my cells had started healing and restored themselves when I woke up.
As for my partner in juice cleansing… from what I know she definitely didn’t have as hard of a time as me. She enjoyed it very much so, but broke the fast on day 9 after being offered free, quality err cheese and stuff.
I’m someone who’s very in touch with my emotions and much more sensitive to them because I try to bring them out as much as I can and love them for what they are instead of continually repressing them deep down inside. In the process of clearing my body of waste and debris floating around, the juice cleanse also tried to clean out my cells of the emotional toxicity weighing them down. I became utterly flabbergasted as my whole demeanor became so emotionally touchy, sad, and depressed. Perhaps my reactions to the events that took place during that time is how I actually still feel deep, deep down inside, I just tend to feel them as surface emotions because my body has to protect me from reacting with extreme emotions as I need to function in everyday life.
But, this event brought to my attention an extremely painful emotional hotspot I’ve haven’t completely cleared out. So, another opportunity to grow.
For the first time, I tackled my emotional problems with the people around me. My friends, my guidance counselor. As hard as it was for me, my counselor kept pounding me with questions until we got to the emotional backbone of it all. All of those irrational beliefs picked up as a child, she completely dismantled them. She told me it wasn’t my fault. The night before, my friends told me how much I meant to them, how much they loved me, and that I wasn’t worthless. It’s amazing how much love and support you can receive if you only reach out to the people around you. It is scary though. Trusting them and letting them into your world, your most vulnerable state. But maybe, it can be worth it.