I’m moving. On the web-asphere, that is. When you go onto radicalturtle.com in a couple of days it’ll look a bit different.
I no longer have the time nor the energy to churn out blog posts… Okay, the time-thing is an excuse, it always is. What I mean is, radicalturtle is no longer one of my top priorities… I’m trying to balance the three S’s of SSM (school of science and math).
So, my posts will be much more casual, maybe just a musing from the day, or whatever I feel like. I might start writing about different aspects about the school, my day, my grades, whatevs you know.
I got my grades back yesterday… Somehow, I don’t care about numbers as much as I used to. It’s probably because barely anyone in this school actually gets straight A’s even when we did in our home highschool. This school doesn’t rank students, or have a valedictorian either.
Somewhere along the line I forgot that education is actually supposed to educate and teach us. We can make connections between subjects to better understand the world as a whole. If you’re just cramming, not enjoying yourself, and doing everything for the sake of grades, when you look back, what was the point?
Here’s a brief recap of my time spent at my new school thus far. Enjoy ~
It’s time to PARRRTAYYY!
Then, classes start.
What the hell are people saying? Where is everything?
Our school has a special language of TLAs – three letter acronyms. It’s not a cafeteria, no, it’s the PFM (professional food management). Let’s go down to the PEC (physical education center).
Argh argh argh I’m so lost. Argh argh argh, I slept through a class. Hur hur hur (cry-i noises) so many classes at so many different times everyday. HOW DO I DISPENSE SOAP?
Dawwww, thank you senior brother for the gift.
Fun Fact: My school was an abandoned hospital. What does that mean? The school is built a little oddly and we have lots of spooky ghost stories. Plus, I live in the morgue. The most infamous of the ghost stories? A nurse went through the underground Hill tunnel and was never seen again. Apparently, you can still hear her heels clicking at night. It was featured on some ghost stories type tv show.
Then FIRE – (lol, my roommate set a toaster oven on fire in the mini kitchen of a hall above us. we were all chillin, just making omelets…)
All the teachers are actually giving us work now… Bonding with my hallmates. Man, I love my hallmates.
Fun Fact: Every Sunday – Thursday night we have “Happy Half.” A good chunk of students congregate in the middle of the school, near the swings (which 2 of my hallmates got it to stop squeaking! so appreciative) to talk and have fun from 10 pm- 10:25 pm. At 10:30 we have ‘check’ where we have to be on hall and sign in.
MORE SCHOOL WORK
I turn my bed, a bottom bunk, into a cozy enclave since my roommate stays up studying. Man, I so… tired… Look! I have free time. Must take…. a nap…. zzz….
I have no food left! I must rely on the PFM for my nutritional needs.
Extended weekend – time to visit home! Eh, I sleep and do practically nothing with my time. I buy lots of food too.
Fun Fact: My school mascot is a unicorn.
Picture day! More hall activities. More fun with all of my friends. More work. More Chemistry, Intermediate Japanese, American Studies, and Precalculus. College Eve, wherein I sign up for the airforce with a ‘pen name’ for a snowcone. My senior convinces me to leave campus without signing out.
Fun Fact: My school is composed of only juniors and seniors. That means that each class only knows each other for one year. This makes it harder to keep up certain SSM culture/clubs and make long term changes.
Me, a junior, would call someone who has just graduated the past school year a “grand senior.” The “grand senior” was my senior’s senior (while they were a junior). Get it? Some who graduated 2 years ago would be a “grand grand senior.” This is how we refer to past generations.
Junior (me) –> Senior –> Grand Senior –> Grand Grand Senior –> etc…
Week 5 (current):
I go on a carb free diet with 3 of my hallmates. I feel much cleaner and lighter. Good BMs. There’s a cookout tonight! for my building. Not to mention, it’s friday friday gotta get down on friday….
Fun Fact: People would think my school is entirely comprised of nerds, which it is to an extent, but our school also excels in athletics. The boys soccer team is went to Nationals last year. The girls tennis team wins state championship.
Also, the people here are kind with interesting back stories. Scattered among us are some superstar geniuses.
The school is somewhat like a college yet retains some odd highschool-y points since we’re still minors. I live on a closed campus so to get into any building in the school I have to have a fob. It’s a plastic thingy majiger that you have to swipe to open doors. We call it a fob, but no, it doesn’t mean FOB. I received a plain, navy blue fob without a design from a previous student so I painted it with nail polish. If it already has a design, you just paint over it. I wear my fob as a necklace.
Generally, school is very fun and busy. When I smile at people and say hi in the hallway, a warm euphoria spreads on my face and through my chest because I’m genuinely happy to see them =)
“He told me he was planning to move to California to begin a start up. Me, who saw the dot-com crash and burn, advised him not to. He wanted to make something called “Facebook.” What? How did he expect to compete with companies like Friendster, Myspace? How ridiculous. Did he want to give up his path and education in Harvard? Yes, this student was Mark Zuckerburg.”
I’m attending a state boarding school and on the first day of classes we have something called “convocation.” An alumni and current Google employee came to give the annual convocation speech. From what I’ve heard, people say this is the best convocation they’ve had so far. It was an incredibly interesting speech filled with humor, insightful words, and relevance.
Deciding between Google or Harvard
Matt, the speaker, graduated from this school about 20 years ago. He went on the college and majored in programming. Google offered him a job in 2002 when they were just another risky search engine company, an area that did not fare well for others. He turned the job down and now reminisces that if he had taken the stocks they had offered him, he’d be flying to an island on a private jet to sip margaritas after the speech. He eventually became a Harvard professor and scored himself a permanent position, meaning they wouldn’t let him go or fire him unless he slept with the wrong student or something (his words). He had a pretty cushy position; teach a few classes in the morning, take home a stable paycheck. His mom was happy.
The position allows professors to go on sabbaticals every five years to explore other interests. He decided to work for Google for a year and then return afterwards. After working with Google, he decided “This is where I want to be. This is what I’m happy doing — coding. Working with people who are smarter than me.” So he decided to quit. Quit Harvard. “This was kinda big deal because they had just given me the position to work at Harvard for life. Why would you leave?”
“As a professor, I was normally the smartest in the room. I realized that to grow you have to surround yourself with people smarter than you. Despite me discouraging Mark from following his dreams, he still did it and look at what has happened today. It’s revolutionized networking and how I communicate with my friends. I’ve reconnected with my fellow alumni from this school.”
The Path to Dreams
Ok, so I realize that I don’t know how much his professor’s words actually discouraged, or possibly encouraged him. I just know that on the path to his dreams, he had someone who told him not to do it. Not to take the risk, to go on his safe and prestigious path. Other people probably told him to do the same thing. He, who now looks so successful and rich, had obstacles to get to where he is today.
What will you do?
*I have paraphrased what I remembered from the speech.
Over 1,200 students applied. Only 350 got in. MEEE?!
It is basically the best school in…. should I reveal my location to you guys? I know the chances of getting a stalker is low, but still haha. Ok. North Carolina. And one of the best high schools across the US. They had the highest amount of applications than ever this year…. But I’m not going there alone. Three of my other friends will be joining me! So shocked and stoked we all got in! My two female friends and I decided not to request to be roommates because we might end up annoying each other and we don’t want to damage our friendship.
How I got in
Aside from the obvious — getting good grades, taking up extracurriculars, yadda yadda — I also did something quite peculiar to the normal bystandar. I acted if I already got in. I do this for practically everything I want. Look at it like this: What have you got to lose by just feeling like you already have something? I could doubt and struggle but I prefer to feel bliss, like the universe is just giving to me because I decided so.
“So what are you thinking about possibly getting into RSS*?” asked my math teacher. *renamed by me to the acronym ‘Really Smart School’
“The real question is ‘how am I not going to be accepted?’” I replied.
My classmates cracked up. “Well, you’re a cocky little thing aren’t you?”
Every time it was mentioned, I was just like yeah, I’m already in there. But at times I really was apathetic to my status. My friend, C, on the other hand was a bit of a nervous wreck. I wouldn’t even know today is the acceptance/nonacceptance day if it wasn’t for her.
“6 more days….” C said wistfully.
“What are you talking about?”
“Leslie, this is so obvious.”
“It’s obviously not.”
“Until your application status for RSS is revealed,” chimed in the friend who had called me cocky.
“Even she knew that, and she’s not even applying.”
“C, you can’t expect me to understand these cryptic messages.”
“So are you nervous about getting in or not?” asked my homeroom teacher.
“…Not really, I’m pretty confident.”
“When we get in –”
“You mean if we get in.”
“When we get in, let’s go shopping for groceries at Whole Foods together.”
Quite honestly, it would’ve been really embarrassing if I didn’t get in because of my arrogant attitude.
The school specializes in math and science but also excels in a host of other subjects. They have large choice and variety in course selections… The athletics are also great.
The funny thing is though… I don’t think I’m going to go to college. I’m not going to the school to prepare to get a scholarship and go to college. I’m purely going for a great experience. To learn, to grow, to push myself beyond my boundaries. I’ll be one of those people who messes up the 99% statistic for college goers. Tomorrow I’m pretending I didn’t get accepted and C is going along with it.
I’ll be honest, I do think of myself as pretty intelligent but not a genius… and it seems like it’s a school bred for the highest caliber of geniuses. Whew, that robotics program! I’m lazy and do my homework during school. At RSS? No, I’m stepping up my game. I still work on the Learning on Steroids tactics and to prepare myself, I’m mastering a couple of techniques during the rest of this school year.
Why did I apply?
I’ve thought about it since the 7th grade but mostly just applied because it was expected of me. Like fish gills and water, I was just expected to jam. I’m also dissatisfied with my county and school in general… why not?
It’s known here on radicalturtle that I don’t like most aspects of the school system. I still don’t, but I think time at RSS will be much more immensely enjoyable. I went to the school last month for some tests and a tour, and it was just oozing with a unique charisma. New friends, a new lifestyle, new adventures!
I might miss aspects of home like a queen sized bed and my own room. Sometimes my parents. I’ve been pretty independent since I was young so this probably won’t be an issue.
How much does it cost?
Free. Boarding, food, everything. I can literally live a comfortable lifestyle without any money there. It’s one of the few charter/boarding schools completely funded by the state in the country. I will bring money though, mostly for food. The one aspect I didn’t like about the school was the cafeteria. It’s better than the average highschool, but still subpar. How can you expect to run amazing young innovative minds on that riffraff? Neh, I’ll be preparing my own food and storing it in the huge refrigerator at the end of every dorm hallway. I also expect to fast a couple days of the week to just cut down on hassle and time.
I’ll definitely do a video tour of the amazing school in August and tell you guys about my new life there. I’m not sure how much time I’ll have to dedicate to personal development blogging though . I expect it to be a profound period of intense growth.
P.S. Asians are 25% of the school’s population. I’m convinced every smart Asian and Indian in the state has applied there.
The short essay below was written during a movie I was supposed to be paying attention to in my Civics and Economics class.
All of the people were so serious, negative, and grouchy I just didn’t want to pay attention to them.
War is a huge problem! There’s no money! We need more money! Rawrr!
This is the call of my civics and economics teacher. I listen to him brainwash my classmates little by little. We’re watching a movie about how America is in so much debt. Blah blah billions, trillions blah blah. This is all a figment of our imaginations. Everyone is propping up a stick supporting these scenarios. If we all just stopped trying to exaggerate these problems then they would all stop. Simple as that.
We have a war against drugs, tobacco, poverty, other countries… they’ll never be solved. As a collective consciousness we first need to change our thinking about these situations. Will they ever be solved if we constantly think of them as problems? We’re better off focusing on solutions. But the government doesn’t actually want to make progress; showing doom and gloom, always exaggerating stories on TV.
A significant amount of news about Japan is hyped up in foreign media. I think a great way to give to Japan is to tap. EFT tap, that is.
There’s an illusion that if we just have enough mullah, then all of our problems would be solved. But our mindset would just continually make up new problems. Would it even be possible to have a “perfect world” with the way we think?
I’ve had issues with racism and bullying in my small little town in the south. When I look back… I can see how much of my thinking caused this trauma.
I had deeply ingrained beliefs on how my ethnicity somehow made me less of a person… The start of the terror came just before starting highschool in driver’s ed class. Two boys taunted me saying “chicken wing!” I know one of them was just doing it to fit in with his friend and I saw how he genuinely felt bad afterwards…
Note: I am not saying bullied people are at fault. I know people all up into the Law of Attraction may say this for illnesses, rape, etc. but the blame game could just end up in depression. We are all on unique and magical journeys towards our own realizations and experiences.
Much of my internal conflict manifested outwards and as people bullied me more, the worse it got. Thankfully, I now feel much more at peace with myself. I thought it was over it at the beginning of 10th grade but if I had really looked at the emotional sign posts then I would’ve realize that, oh no, it wasn’t (delusionnns). A boy in my music theory class played an oriental tune on the keyboard everyday as I entered the classroom *laughs*. I felt I was being singled out and I resisted the ‘negative’ emotions arising within me. Eventually I had a breakdown after someone bowed to me, cracking an Asian joke.
Like a BREAKDOWN of tears streaming down my face with 4 boys watching me, not knowing what to do or say. They listened to my story and consoled me. The boy who bowed didn’t actually mean anything by it but felt terrible. They all hugged me afterwards. Tangent: one of the boys later fell in love with me later that semester hohohoho….
Today, i can honestly say that I am comfortable and 95.3% (I’m a mathematical genius) healed from the traumatic events. My friends and math teacher frequently crack jokes about my asianess as do I. This morning Mrs. K did so. I began resisting what I felt when she did. I gulped it down but resisting feelings is like trying to keep ice from bobbing up in water. I kept trying to rationalize with myself, “She was just joking and I know that, I needn’t feel bad about it….” Wait a second. What am I scared of? What is the worst that could possibly happen from feeling my emotions? I’ll put out a “negative vibration”? Whatevs, I can deal with whatever comes my way. So I just felt the feeling. It lasted 5 or so seconds and I wouldn’t say it was even “bad”. Then, it was over. Bam shabam, done. Embracing all kinds of emotions such as sadness and anger are just as important as embracing happiness. Resistance feels worse than the emotions themselves.
It’s so amazing to look at “bad” experiences as catalysts and opportunities for growth. I may wish “gosh, they shouldn’t have done/said that” but who am I to dictate what they should/shouldn’t do? We can just see it for what it really is. Pure, undiluted, and simple.
Hi everyone! I hope you all have been having a lovely time these last few weeks.
Things have been quiet over here because like Reggie, I haven’t felt anything of value to say and I’d rather not post for the sake of posting. I’ve decided this is the direction I will take my blog. I’d rather have interesting and meaningful content to both you and me. Neh to fillers and fluff, unless that comes in the form of a cute K-drama *cough Playful Kiss cough*.
I’m also a bit overloaded with schoolwork, experiences, and processing life but I don’t blame time. I don’t think that’s a veritable excuse, ya just gotta prioritize sistah!
Over the last few days, I’ve started reading “Money and the Law of Attraction” by Jerry and Esther Hicks. It has made me realize and pay attention to all of the incoming thoughts and feelings I have. Many are old thought patterns ingrained into my psyche. They’re creeping spiders injecting you with small doses of venom everyday.
Instead of keeping them there, I’ve been working to slowly and gently, the most important thing, replace them with new positive thought patterns and feelings. The key is gently. Take note of how you’re feeling and listen to your inner guidance on whether or not you’re just suppressing how you really feel or genuinely inviting a newer positive feeling into your existence. On the day the book arrived, I found a dollar bill thinly coated with sand on the ground in the dark tumults of a crowd. I thought that was worth noting. I also read a review where a man found a $20 bill the day the book arrived.
Thanks to my good friend and mentor, Kenton, I’ve decided to use school as a sort of training ground. There really are such interesting and strange examples of human nature.
I’ve already read Learn More and Study Less (pretty fantastic book on holistically learning) but have not yet implemented many of the tactics. Also, my thoughts and feelings towards schoolwork may be keeping me from grasping concepts as quickly as I could. I’ll be experimenting with this in the coming weeks.
For anyone interested in what I’ve been up to:
-I watched “Oklahoma!” with my friends on a weekend field trip. It was good! *two thumbs up*
-I went to my first homecoming and football game. Our team won 48-14. I still have no idea how football works though.
-I went to the local Oyster Festival for the first time. Yummy food!
-I finished up playing tennis as #3 on the team. Woot! Woot!
-Found out one of my best friends choose to write about me as his favorite person for his journal in English class =D.
What have I been up to?
I’ve been chugging along in school, playing on the tennis team, doing homework, and working on both assigned and personal projects while somehow keeping up with my k-drama for the price of sleep. In pockets of my days I meditate or read the sedonna method.
One fun moment was in Algebra 2 with my favorite teacher. She took us outside to make pictures of the things we’d been learning, such as absolute value or radicals on the graph, out of ourselves. But my favorite pictures were these:
I think we should have recess in highschool. It was so fun!
Our school had a bomb threat on Thursday causing the entire student body to evacuate the building. It was actually kinda nice excluding the possibility of being in danger. We sat outside and I had some major bondage time with a new friend. We went deep. What he told me about himself completely surprised me. I reiterated one of my reoccurring thoughts to him “You know, I feel like people don’t know me that well… They don’t know what runs through my head, my past experiences. But then I also think hm, I guess that also works the other way too and I don’t know other people all that well either. It baffles me.”
Besides that, a lot of other shit has been happening lately. I’m trying to stay afloat and deal with it all. Once in a while I look out my window at night and think of reasons to live….
Since this is the “personal development” realm we’re talking in here, I feel as if I shouldn’t talk about the bad stuff but then I wouldn’t be true to myself. I haven’t been feeling good lately. I’m trying to put on a facade of being ok, but I’m not. I’m crumbling like a cheap, non-food cookie.
I feel like life and people are trying to pull me in so many directions but I don’t want to go along with them. Should life feel like a war of inner turmoil everyday?
The true underlying thought under my real dreams and aspirations?
I saw this video today and it cheered me up a bit =)
School is good.
Right? If you’re reading this post on my website (which you so obviously are….), then I’m going to assume that you’re a little bit like me. Probably a weirdo. Someone who doesn’t want to conform all of those imposed societal rules that suck out your soul. Truth is, I don’t want to go to school anymore. “But Leslie, no one wants to go to school… You just have to. For the good education that’ll lead to college and then some sort of paper pushing secure job that makes a steady income (and to pay for that darn blasted college debt)…It’s all for the future! Use your eyes dammit!”
The Teenage Liberation Handbook
No, I don’t want to go to school exactly because I’m using my eyes. I’ve been digesting the Teenage Liberation Handbook (don’t be like me kids and stretch out a book over the period of 3 months. I have this thing where I might be juggling 5 books at a time. I know, bad habit.) which is an absolutely phenomenal read. I always knew I didn’t like school but this book has solidified all judgments and reasoning toward it. Don’t read this book if you want to stay normal and unaffected. It will change you and the way you think. My only smallish qualm about the book is it’s a bit outdated, written in 1999. I’d love for the author to release an updated version, but she provides so many in depth examples, I know it’d be hard to gather so much information again. It’s easily applicable to 2010 anyways. There’s an even larger wealth of opportunities and information about unschooling nowadays.
I Believe in and Wholly Support Myself
My parents don’t want me to do it, my teachers don’t want me to do it, my adult acquaintances who I barely know don’t want me to do it, and some of my friends don’t want me to do it. I’ve been so used to alternative thinking that when I snaps conditioned beliefs of the real world into my face, it gets me every time. “Really? Is that what you think? It makes absolutely no sense.” No one believes in me, they all want me to go back to public schooling once summer vacation is over. IMO summer vacations are designed to be long enough for kids to become sick of video games but short enough so they don’t realize their potential to do better things. The mindless vacation is a purging state kids have to go through to cleanse themselves of that jail institution.
I don’t hold any obligations to anyone else
Guess what? I’ve decided that I have one life to live, and I’m not going to live it for anyone else. I’m not going to make my choices to fit into the status quo so people can feel better about their choices. If what I’m saying makes you uncomfortable and causes you to question yourself, then oh well. I’m not going to sell my soul and float along aimlessly, fitting into some little box the government and corporations have carved for me. Public schooling was literally made to churn out factory workers. I’m going to think for myself and do what I do based on my own judgments. So no matter how many people try to push me down and hide my inner shine, that’s not going to happen. If I eff up my life (read do something not considered mainstream successful) then fine! It’s my choice to make, not yours.
The post, 7 minimalist lessons I’ve learned from my kids has made me think and contemplate. Why exactly do we lose this spark to relearn as we get older? It doesn’t make sense to me. I suppose we just naturally unlearn these things as we grow up because of pressures and situations we encounter. As a teenager who goes to highschool (AH! Highschool!), I can find many contradictions we learn to what you can learn from children. I sometimes feel as though children are glorified and teenagers are people thrown to the side because adults don’t really want to deal with them. People might automatically think we’re spoiled, naïve, etc. People might not seriously consider and devalue our opinions merely because of age. I can attest to the fact that idots come in all ages as do mature people.
The way some teachers treat teens in the classroom is appalling. They would never speak to another adult in that tone. I also think the fact that we aren’t allowed to go to the bathrooms at all times and have to ask for permission is a bit ridiculous. What does that teach us? Nothing really, except for compliance which is the reason we go to school in the first place. I digress. I’m not a fan of when adults generalize teens as way out of line because we were raised by the older generations. It’s as if once we are no longer children, we’ve lost much of our value and the new kids on the block are more important. I guess it’s just not the same without the tiny bodies and extremely proportional facial features. Here are some lessons being taught:
1. Gadgets, gizmos, and clothes are fulfilling
Shop, shop, shop until you drop. Especially if it’s black Friday. That high you get from a new purchase is great!
2. Clothing is worn to impress others
What you wear and who you wear is judged by everyone, therefore you must have the latest styles and read fashion magazines to be in the loop.
3. You can’t truly trust anyone except for yourself
I feel like trust is slowly knocked out of us as we become older. People will betray us and the trust melts away slowly….
4. Judge people first on their appearances
It’s pretty important. People judge you on who you hang out with and talk to so make sure this person fits how you’d like to be seen. If you hang out with a loser… than oh no! you’re a loser. You are judged based upon the amount of money you have and the way you dress. Stay inside the social circle, it’s too dangerous to leave.
5. More is better
The more choices we have, the better our lives will be. There is a large array of foods to choose from in the supermarket. Super bubblelicious extreme sour bubblegum or Strawberry mint goat cheese very chewy bubblegum? Hmm…. We’re bombarded with petty choices everyday and we’ve been taught to think that our happiness lies in our external circumstances instead of what comes from within. So then you have a bunch of people chasing relationships, money, possessions, fitness so they think they’re fulfilled. Just 2 more pounds, a pay raise, or a life-long partner, and I’ll be happy.
6. Drama is cool!
If you have drama in your life than you’re interesting and cool. People will be very interested if you’ve dated bobby and Justin at the same time. Who knows, maybe you’ll be able to apply for your very own reality tv show?!
7. Use video games and television to escape
Life becomes bogged down by stress and commitments. You feel as though you have to be this and do this. Isn’t it nice to just relax and mentally zone out so you don’t have to face all of the other chaos in your life. “Sally, what do you want to do be when you grow up? College is right around the corner, you know.”
Of course, not all people start believing in these silly rules. There are plenty of people who still march to the beat of their own drum and ignore what is thrown at them as they become older. These are just some examples of things that are taught, knowingly or unknowingly. They can cause great turmoil.
So, what do you think? Agree/disagree with me? Tell me your opinion in the comments below!