9/11
Posted: September 11, 2011 Filed under: Life Leave a comment »I was in the 1st grade. I’m part of the last generation that can still somewhat remember 9/11. Every year, teachers ask us to write a paragraph about what we can remember about the day. Every year… Personally I can’t remember it. But, I know I’m supposed to feel really really bad about it and honor the people who died in the fire every year. That’s it, I’m supposed to feel this way or that way. If I don’t feel bad then I’m looked down upon by others for being an unfeeling, uncompassionate person.
That’s the key, I think. No, not to feel bad. To delve deeper, question, and explore. To be able to feel what we honestly feel without lying to ourselves and others. It’s okay if something ‘bad’ (what is good? what is bad?) doesn’t solicit an emotional reaction. We feel guilty because we want to show others “look at how bad I feel, I’m a good person.” The guilt is there because it wants to protect you. It pretends to. But, like smoke house mirrors, it’s only an illusion. Does guilt help you or anyone else? Let go of guilt and allow yourself to be free.
Facebook Almost Didn't Happen?: A Mark Zuckerberg Story
Posted: September 8, 2011 Filed under: Life, school, success Leave a comment »“He told me he was planning to move to California to begin a start up. Me, who saw the dot-com crash and burn, advised him not to. He wanted to make something called “Facebook.” What? How did he expect to compete with companies like Friendster, Myspace? How ridiculous. Did he want to give up his path and education in Harvard? Yes, this student was Mark Zuckerburg.”
Convocation
I’m attending a state boarding school and on the first day of classes we have something called “convocation.” An alumni and current Google employee came to give the annual convocation speech. From what I’ve heard, people say this is the best convocation they’ve had so far. It was an incredibly interesting speech filled with humor, insightful words, and relevance.
Deciding between Google or Harvard
Matt, the speaker, graduated from this school about 20 years ago. He went on the college and majored in programming. Google offered him a job in 2002 when they were just another risky search engine company, an area that did not fare well for others. He turned the job down and now reminisces that if he had taken the stocks they had offered him, he’d be flying to an island on a private jet to sip margaritas after the speech. He eventually became a Harvard professor and scored himself a permanent position, meaning they wouldn’t let him go or fire him unless he slept with the wrong student or something (his words). He had a pretty cushy position; teach a few classes in the morning, take home a stable paycheck. His mom was happy.
The position allows professors to go on sabbaticals every five years to explore other interests. He decided to work for Google for a year and then return afterwards. After working with Google, he decided “This is where I want to be. This is what I’m happy doing — coding. Working with people who are smarter than me.” So he decided to quit. Quit Harvard. “This was kinda big deal because they had just given me the position to work at Harvard for life. Why would you leave?”
“As a professor, I was normally the smartest in the room. I realized that to grow you have to surround yourself with people smarter than you. Despite me discouraging Mark from following his dreams, he still did it and look at what has happened today. It’s revolutionized networking and how I communicate with my friends. I’ve reconnected with my fellow alumni from this school.”
The Path to Dreams
Ok, so I realize that I don’t know how much his professor’s words actually discouraged, or possibly encouraged him. I just know that on the path to his dreams, he had someone who told him not to do it. Not to take the risk, to go on his safe and prestigious path. Other people probably told him to do the same thing. He, who now looks so successful and rich, had obstacles to get to where he is today.
What will you do?
*I have paraphrased what I remembered from the speech.
Anime Expo 2011
Posted: July 11, 2011 Filed under: humor, Life, Randomness | Tags: 2011, anime, anime expo, cosplay, japan, manga 1 Comment »Hi all! I’ve returned home after 3 days of flying… I’m glad to be back on the ground. First I visited my cousin in Florida and then we flew to LA together with 2 of his friends to go to
Whoo! It’s the largest anime convention in North America. Anime? What’s that you say? It’s Japanese c-c-c-cartoon, though I’m hesitant to call it that. I saw lots of cool costumes.
My Feelings about the trip
It was fun and a little sad. I got to experience new situations with new people so I learned some things about myself. I also made friends with people I just met at AX. So, I can make new friends by myself? Yep.
Pictures!
Pokemon: Almost Nekkid Man version. They had the theme song playing around with them haha.
Hastune Miku is so popular she promotes Toyota. Hastune Miku is the most popular vocaloid (ficitonal character who’s voice is created from a software) from Japan. The Hastune Miku concert was sold out.
Kyoko from Skip Beat! Love me section. One of my all time favorite mangas.
Ren, Nana, Hachi, and Shin from NANA. I cosplayed as nana, only I didn’t have the wig so I just looked punk.
Awesome Joker
I dunno where he’s from but he just looked cool.
My favorite costume — Crazy Transformers! I thought they could’ve turned into cars at any second.
From the music video — Just be friends
Prince of Tennis. unrotated photo — cause it’d take to much time to unrotate.
I won a Cascade badge from Misty in a vicious game of rock, paper, scissors.
Two kawaii girls in traditional Japanese Yukatas — They were speaking in bonefied Japanese.
Two of my teachers from parapara dancing. I enjoyed watching the guy to my left dance the most.
My cousin cosplayed as a character from a video game — persona or something or other?
Ahhh! It’s the cast from Avatar! I definitely want to do a coordinated cosplay if I go with friends.
It’s a computer trackpad… they vendor was yelling “touch their boobs!” to all of the people. As I walked away after taking the picture he shouted to me “you can touch!”
My cousin bought the “say no to walls” shirt which I love. It’s just so unexpected.
There where some famous singers, voice actors, and notable people from the Japanese anime industry there. Nergilis (band), Danny Choo (popular blogger and host), Maon Kurosaki, Kalifina, Miyuki Sawashiro (voiced characters from Angel beats!, Beelsebub, Arakawa under the bridge). I saw Arakawa under the Bridge and The Girl who Leaped through time while I was there — both are highly recommended.
アニメ エキスボ が 好き です。
P.S. You should subscribe if you like anime.
P.P.S. Or, if you say no to walls like me, follow me on twitter.
Leslie's Going to Boarding School?!
Posted: April 13, 2011 Filed under: Life, school, success 4 Comments »Over 1,200 students applied. Only 350 got in. MEEE?!
It is basically the best school in…. should I reveal my location to you guys? I know the chances of getting a stalker is low, but still haha. Ok. North Carolina. And one of the best high schools across the US. They had the highest amount of applications than ever this year…. But I’m not going there alone. Three of my other friends will be joining me! So shocked and stoked we all got in! My two female friends and I decided not to request to be roommates because we might end up annoying each other and we don’t want to damage our friendship.
How I got in
Aside from the obvious — getting good grades, taking up extracurriculars, yadda yadda — I also did something quite peculiar to the normal bystandar. I acted if I already got in. I do this for practically everything I want. Look at it like this: What have you got to lose by just feeling like you already have something? I could doubt and struggle but I prefer to feel bliss, like the universe is just giving to me because I decided so.
“So what are you thinking about possibly getting into RSS*?” asked my math teacher. *renamed by me to the acronym ‘Really Smart School’
“The real question is ‘how am I not going to be accepted?’” I replied.
My classmates cracked up. “Well, you’re a cocky little thing aren’t you?”
Every time it was mentioned, I was just like yeah, I’m already in there. But at times I really was apathetic to my status. My friend, C, on the other hand was a bit of a nervous wreck. I wouldn’t even know today is the acceptance/nonacceptance day if it wasn’t for her.
“6 more days….” C said wistfully.
“What are you talking about?”
“Leslie, this is so obvious.”
“It’s obviously not.”
“Until your application status for RSS is revealed,” chimed in the friend who had called me cocky.
“Even she knew that, and she’s not even applying.”
“C, you can’t expect me to understand these cryptic messages.”
—-
“So are you nervous about getting in or not?” asked my homeroom teacher.
“…Not really, I’m pretty confident.”
—
“When we get in –”
“You mean if we get in.”
“When we get in, let’s go shopping for groceries at Whole Foods together.”
–
Quite honestly, it would’ve been really embarrassing if I didn’t get in because of my arrogant attitude.
The school specializes in math and science but also excels in a host of other subjects. They have large choice and variety in course selections… The athletics are also great.
College Bound?
The funny thing is though… I don’t think I’m going to go to college. I’m not going to the school to prepare to get a scholarship and go to college. I’m purely going for a great experience. To learn, to grow, to push myself beyond my boundaries. I’ll be one of those people who messes up the 99% statistic for college goers. Tomorrow I’m pretending I didn’t get accepted and C is going along with it.
Intelligence?
I’ll be honest, I do think of myself as pretty intelligent but not a genius… and it seems like it’s a school bred for the highest caliber of geniuses. Whew, that robotics program! I’m lazy and do my homework during school. At RSS? No, I’m stepping up my game. I still work on the Learning on Steroids tactics and to prepare myself, I’m mastering a couple of techniques during the rest of this school year.
Why did I apply?
I’ve thought about it since the 7th grade but mostly just applied because it was expected of me. Like fish gills and water, I was just expected to jam. I’m also dissatisfied with my county and school in general… why not?
It’s known here on radicalturtle that I don’t like most aspects of the school system. I still don’t, but I think time at RSS will be much more immensely enjoyable. I went to the school last month for some tests and a tour, and it was just oozing with a unique charisma. New friends, a new lifestyle, new adventures!
Homesickness?
I might miss aspects of home like a queen sized bed and my own room. Sometimes my parents. I’ve been pretty independent since I was young so this probably won’t be an issue.
How much does it cost?
Free. Boarding, food, everything. I can literally live a comfortable lifestyle without any money there. It’s one of the few charter/boarding schools completely funded by the state in the country. I will bring money though, mostly for food. The one aspect I didn’t like about the school was the cafeteria. It’s better than the average highschool, but still subpar. How can you expect to run amazing young innovative minds on that riffraff? Neh, I’ll be preparing my own food and storing it in the huge refrigerator at the end of every dorm hallway. I also expect to fast a couple days of the week to just cut down on hassle and time.
I’ll definitely do a video tour of the amazing school in August and tell you guys about my new life there. I’m not sure how much time I’ll have to dedicate to personal development blogging though 
. I expect it to be a profound period of intense growth.
P.S. Asians are 25% of the school’s population. I’m convinced every smart Asian and Indian in the state has applied there.
Is Money the Answer to all of our Problems?
Posted: April 4, 2011 Filed under: EFT, Life, school 3 Comments »The short essay below was written during a movie I was supposed to be paying attention to in my Civics and Economics class.
All of the people were so serious, negative, and grouchy I just didn’t want to pay attention to them.
War is a huge problem! There’s no money! We need more money! Rawrr!
This is the call of my civics and economics teacher. I listen to him brainwash my classmates little by little. We’re watching a movie about how America is in so much debt. Blah blah billions, trillions blah blah. This is all a figment of our imaginations. Everyone is propping up a stick supporting these scenarios. If we all just stopped trying to exaggerate these problems then they would all stop. Simple as that.
We have a war against drugs, tobacco, poverty, other countries… they’ll never be solved. As a collective consciousness we first need to change our thinking about these situations. Will they ever be solved if we constantly think of them as problems? We’re better off focusing on solutions. But the government doesn’t actually want to make progress; showing doom and gloom, always exaggerating stories on TV.
A significant amount of news about Japan is hyped up in foreign media. I think a great way to give to Japan is to tap. EFT tap, that is.
There’s an illusion that if we just have enough mullah, then all of our problems would be solved. But our mindset would just continually make up new problems. Would it even be possible to have a “perfect world” with the way we think?
Link Love: Linky to articles me likey. Yay!! How to End Procrastination Forever by sidawson. Already used it and it really does work! Clear, simple, and concise technique. Thanks Si.
On Childhood and the Little Things
Posted: March 23, 2011 Filed under: EFT, Life Leave a comment »People form their core beliefs during childhood up until 7 or so. Once in a while I look at my brother and I see what’s pounded in his head by authority figures… “Wow, how did I even survive childhood?” My intellectual brain has drastically different beliefs than what I was taught. My emotional brain however… there’s some discord. Soon I’m going to work on deliberately releasing on childhood experiences. I still really recommend this video…. I’ve used it for many things in my life.
In school I’ve made a new good friend… he’s really hilarious and honest. I’ve known him since freshman year but we never really talked. Never imagined being good buddies.
For the past few days I’ve been sleeping on the floor. A blanket and a pillow. I was thrashing on my bed until I cascaded down onto the floor thinking “maybe I just need to sleep in a different environment.”
Today I fasted. My friends all tried to get me to eat, offering their food.
New buddy: “Go and grab lunch up there.”
Me: “I don’t have any money on me.”
Other friend: “I have some money in my account.”
Me:”Nah, nah it’s really fine.”
I didn’t say anything but it actually really touched me that she kept offering food to me and even offered me money to buy lunch. I felt… cared for.
Oh little actions. They cause such ripples.
Is Resisting Emotions Causing You Unhappiness?
Posted: March 18, 2011 Filed under: Life, personal development, school 4 Comments »I’ve had issues with racism and bullying in my small little town in the south. When I look back… I can see how much of my thinking caused this trauma.
I had deeply ingrained beliefs on how my ethnicity somehow made me less of a person… The start of the terror came just before starting highschool in driver’s ed class. Two boys taunted me saying “chicken wing!” I know one of them was just doing it to fit in with his friend and I saw how he genuinely felt bad afterwards…
Note: I am not saying bullied people are at fault. I know people all up into the Law of Attraction may say this for illnesses, rape, etc. but the blame game could just end up in depression. We are all on unique and magical journeys towards our own realizations and experiences.
Much of my internal conflict manifested outwards and as people bullied me more, the worse it got. Thankfully, I now feel much more at peace with myself. I thought it was over it at the beginning of 10th grade but if I had really looked at the emotional sign posts then I would’ve realize that, oh no, it wasn’t (delusionnns). A boy in my music theory class played an oriental tune on the keyboard everyday as I entered the classroom *laughs*. I felt I was being singled out and I resisted the ‘negative’ emotions arising within me. Eventually I had a breakdown after someone bowed to me, cracking an Asian joke.
Like a BREAKDOWN of tears streaming down my face with 4 boys watching me, not knowing what to do or say. They listened to my story and consoled me. The boy who bowed didn’t actually mean anything by it but felt terrible. They all hugged me afterwards. Tangent: one of the boys later fell in love with me later that semester hohohoho….
Today, i can honestly say that I am comfortable and 95.3% (I’m a mathematical genius) healed from the traumatic events. My friends and math teacher frequently crack jokes about my asianess as do I. This morning Mrs. K did so. I began resisting what I felt when she did. I gulped it down but resisting feelings is like trying to keep ice from bobbing up in water. I kept trying to rationalize with myself, “She was just joking and I know that, I needn’t feel bad about it….” Wait a second. What am I scared of? What is the worst that could possibly happen from feeling my emotions? I’ll put out a “negative vibration”? Whatevs, I can deal with whatever comes my way. So I just felt the feeling. It lasted 5 or so seconds and I wouldn’t say it was even “bad”. Then, it was over. Bam shabam, done. Embracing all kinds of emotions such as sadness and anger are just as important as embracing happiness. Resistance feels worse than the emotions themselves.
It’s so amazing to look at “bad” experiences as catalysts and opportunities for growth. I may wish “gosh, they shouldn’t have done/said that” but who am I to dictate what they should/shouldn’t do? We can just see it for what it really is. Pure, undiluted, and simple.
Leslie's First Dance
Posted: March 13, 2011 Filed under: humor, Life, Randomness Leave a comment »
I started off on an awkward foot but steadily became accustomed to flailing my body around to the rhythm. I looked around to my classmates who were dancing around without any reservations and took note. Most of the time was spent dancing in a certain group of schoolmates so I wasn’t worried about a guy coming up to me and doing what I like to call the “faux butt sex move.” I’m pretty sure a guy’s genitals came in touch with my butt once, but I turned around and looked him straight in the eye. He and his friend delved deeper into the crowd. Afterwards, my level of hearing went down to the equivalent of an 80 year old senior citizen. If you want to dance but not dance with sneezy guys then you have to be at the edge of the crowd but near the music so I was next to the speakers almost the entire time. My original plan was to watch my friends dance from the back of the room like a creepy stalker. I actually had fun. *gasp*
All in all it was a good experience. Would I like to experience it again? Errr, very sparingly. Halfway through I realized I lost my name tag. My very important name tag needed to enter the business competitions. Shit. I squeezed my way through the suffocating crowd several times. I found 5 nametags on the floor and threw them onto the stage since my name wasn’t on them. There was one point where I spotted a name tag in between two people grinding and thought to myself “damn… I need that nametag. Awkwardness is inevitable. How do I make this as least awkward as possible?” After a few rounds of thinking how to approach this, I stuck my leg in between and the guy started dancing on leg looking like “yeah, wanna join?”. I moved my leg further in without actually moving the homeland (aka my body), stomped on the nametag, dragged it back, picked it up, and walked away. Then I threw it onto the stage. The next day I had to buy another one for $2.
I went on a field trip with my business club, DECA a few weeks back. Last year I left the dance after 10 minutes because I was soooo uncomfortable and watched The Real Housewives of Orange County with my senior roomates who had boyfriends.
We stayed in a nice hotel next to a 3 story mall. Both places were consumed by thousands of teenagers from all across the state in both casual clothes and business attire (suits, blazers, pantyhose, heels).
Do something that makes you uncomfortable. You might enjoy it.
Revisiting Blogging: A Plenthora of Personal Growth
Posted: February 9, 2011 Filed under: inspiration, Life, personal development 4 Comments »So I’m playing hooky from school once again and made an appointment to go to the doctor today when my teacher threatened to call my dad herself. Having…. let’s call her Samantha. Having Samantha has helped my reevaluate my life and the kind of feelings and thoughts I’ve been thinking lately. Like writing a civics paper right before/during class in ten minutes without having my teacher notice. I could literally feel the adrenaline pumping through my body going into survival mode. Not the healthiest thing. So, looking at Samantha as a blessing rather than a curse is what I’m going to do. It’s a matter of perspective.
Today, I’d like to talk about what blogging has done for me once again. More than just a place to document my growth as a person, radicalturtle has also been a catalyst for more growth. Having people read what I write and care about me helps a lot. Like it would matter if I hit a tree while skiing or fell off the side of the earth. 15 was a time of huge emotional growth and maturity as a person. I cured my aversions to my race but what I didn’t completely get rid of was my emotional wounds from being bullied. So I had a good old crying fest and let it go.
me – I was bullied but that was a while ago
BD – when?
me – 9th grade
BD – what grade are you in now?
me – 10th
BD – ….. uh Leslie, that wasn’t too long ago. You should of told me when you were being bullied. I would’ve gone down there and beat them up.
Talking to my cousin, BD, always cheers me up. He doesn’t seem to take anything seriously and is one of the most mellow, honest, and funniest guys I’ve ever met.
The next step? Revealing my blog to friends/family. Am I ready for that? Am I ready to let them read the archives of my most personal and private thoughts? I dunno man, I dunno. One friend discovered my site by looking at the browser’s history after I showed her the piece I wrote about MacDaddy. I quickly shut down Internet Explorer and I’m pretty sure she hasn’t typed in my site’s address into any browser unless she wants to collide with my wrath.
I used to bury everything into myself and close off any possible vulnerability.
Blogging at 14 helped me change that all. Slowly, I wrote down my thoughts online anonymously for anonymous people to read. I was scared. Scared all of my thoughts would reveal my unworthiness. But then no one said anything. I gradually let the contents of my heart open up and remain online. If I recall to my first ever blog entry, all I did was explain that the following lines were copied out of an email to a friend because I was introverted and unsure of what to say. Even that freaked me out.
A deep rooted fear has been “I’ll say something ‘wrong’ and everyone will desert me.” But… no, people keep coming back and reading. People that I look up to online read my blog (!) whut whut? It’s too awesome. If I compare blogging at 14 to blogging now it’s like comparing a kitten to a lion. I sound like such a child of the internet. Oh, internet, how I love you so.
I just don’t even know how to accurately describe how it was vs. how it is. It’s amazing. Thank you everyone.
For fun, let’s revisit the first entry on radicalturtle ever which was heavily edited several months after blogging. My first ever retweet was by Joshua Becker on 7 Un-minimalist Lessons Learned from Life. I jumped up and down in happiness and euphoria. Also, thank you Kevin Olega and daphnepurpus for the encouragement to blog.
The World is Upside Down
Posted: January 15, 2011 Filed under: Eco-conciousness, inspiration, Life 4 Comments »I had an amazing realization. The world is…. not upright.
I’ve always wondered “why don’t people in Antarctica look like this?”:
In fact, shouldn’t people on the side of the world look like this?:
When I asked others why people didn’t fall off the bottom of earth they’d say — Because of gravity. Duhhh, I know that.
But why aren’t they… upside down?
In fact, it seems that only people on the top of the world should be standing normally.
Then somehow I realized… it’s because there’s no up or down!!! In the same way that left and right are relative so are our ideas of what’s the top and bottom of the world. It just…. is.
There is no north or south. I already knew how east and west are just made up. Europe and Asia are the “east” while I live in the “western world” are only arbitrary terms.
In space there is no north or south because it’s a large expanse where everything just sits where it is without any named places.
Our maps could have Australia on top if we wanted (though of course more scientifical thought goes into creating our maps).
Can this be applied to life?
Indubitably.
—
Believe it or not, I created those pictures with my awesome photoshop gimp skills. My math skills on the other hand… they could use some brushing up. Especially for the looming exam and SAT. I’m looking to improve my math intuition with the better explained ebook. I already have most of my funds but I need a little more to become a math whiz. If you’d like to help me out, I’d be ever so grateful.
