Juice Cleanse: Days 8-10 + Final Thoughts
Posted: April 14, 2012 Filed under: Food, Life, school | Tags: cleanse, juice, juicing 2 Comments »Day 8
- carrot + avocado (doesn’t juice well) + asparagus + celery + cucumber + tomato + apple + pomegranate + berries (raspberries, blueberries, blackberries, strawberries)
- 3 small bowls of fruit
- 3 bowls of salad + spriluna + sunflower seeds
- 2 bananas
- 1 avocado
Ate a bit too much for my liking today… I did a 15 minute ab workout with… Let’s call her Barry. She’s actually the uber awesome one I mentioned earlier. I went into her bedroom late at night yesterday and talked to her about my insecurities about my body image. She’s the president of the body beautiful club so I thought hey, maybe I could talk to her. An amazing thing happened. She opened up to me about her insecurities too, gave me advice, and told me some of the kindest words I’ve heard in a while. Tears streamed down my cheeks and I embraced her.
Day 9
- Same juice from day 8: carrot + avocado (doesn’t juice well) + asparagus + celery + cucumber + tomato + apple + pomegranate + berries (raspberries, blueberries, blackberries, strawberries)
- My diet wasn’t recorded
I had a breakdown yesterday night. I talked to Barry, my roomates and two seniors next door. They comforted me and let me know that people do actually care about me.
Day 10
- pineapple, blueberries, strawberries, carrot, asparagus, celery, cucumber, apple, bannana… almost every basic fruit in America. We wanted to go out with a bang on the last day.
- Avocado with butter. I started adding grass-fed organic butter on the last days because I was worried that my emotional state possibly had to do with loss of critical nutrients. Don’t remember what else I ate… probably a variation of food on the other days in the fast.
Skipped my first 2 morning classes and went to the guidance counselor. A floodgate of emotion washed over me as I talked about deep rooted family issues and insecurities. I realized that my beliefs stemming from these traumatic events were still overriding my life. They colored my every move, every moment without me even aware. I hadn’t talked to my family that week or done anything related to them in particular. The emotions about them just whipped out of me.
I didn’t update this fast for a while afterwards because I was extremely busy at the time with my classes, extra schoolwork from the missed clases, and activities while trying to deal with the tsunami of deep-rooted emotional trauma that burst out from the gates of hell. I needed time to figure things out… and try to somewhat hold my composure because, sadly, I couldn’t just drop everything and leave to deal with my emotions. After talking to my counselor, I went to take a much needed nap. When you sleep, your body heals and repairs itself… I could definitely feel that during my rest, my cells had started healing and restored themselves when I woke up.
As for my partner in juice cleansing… from what I know she definitely didn’t have as hard of a time as me. She enjoyed it very much so, but broke the fast on day 9 after being offered free, quality err cheese and stuff.
So theories:
I’m someone who’s very in touch with my emotions and much more sensitive to them because I try to bring them out as much as I can and love them for what they are instead of continually repressing them deep down inside. In the process of clearing my body of waste and debris floating around, the juice cleanse also tried to clean out my cells of the emotional toxicity weighing them down. I became utterly flabbergasted as my whole demeanor became so emotionally touchy, sad, and depressed. Perhaps my reactions to the events that took place during that time is how I actually still feel deep, deep down inside, I just tend to feel them as surface emotions because my body has to protect me from reacting with extreme emotions as I need to function in everyday life.
But, this event brought to my attention an extremely painful emotional hotspot I’ve haven’t completely cleared out. So, another opportunity to grow.
For the first time, I tackled my emotional problems with the people around me. My friends, my guidance counselor. As hard as it was for me, my counselor kept pounding me with questions until we got to the emotional backbone of it all. All of those irrational beliefs picked up as a child, she completely dismantled them. She told me it wasn’t my fault. The night before, my friends told me how much I meant to them, how much they loved me, and that I wasn’t worthless. It’s amazing how much love and support you can receive if you only reach out to the people around you. It is scary though. Trusting them and letting them into your world, your most vulnerable state. But maybe, it can be worth it.
Asian Fest of Sorts
Posted: April 13, 2012 Filed under: Life, Randomness, school | Tags: Asian Leave a comment »Back in January my school had something called AjiaFest*. Besides AjiaFest, there’s also AfricanFest, Latin America Fest, and most recently EuroFest. EuroFest was just started this year so I wonder what kind of acts will be in it… They are cultural shows that the student body put on.
I took part in AjiaFest with 2 acts, tinikling and breakdance. Tiniking is a Traditional Filipino dance that involves hopping to and fro inbetween 2 bamboo sticks.
No, breakdance isn’t really asian but it’s always in AjiaFest and contains a good number of asian members. After I got back from Christmas break, my life got taken over and swallowed by AjiaFest. For 2 weeks I had no life. I had barely any time for eating, homework. I would practice for my 2 acts immediately after school for maybe 6 hours or so. My tiniking captains also finished the choreography during the very week of the show, giving me very limited time to practice -.- The choreography for the modern section was baller though and ‘meant to look impossible’.
If you want to see me, I start at 1:22 in the all purple outfit. If you’re bored would recommend to start watching at 3:14 for pure amazingness. It’s the shit!!! No, seriously and really, you have to see the ending. The part through the sticks had my friends messing up every practice. If you do one wrong move, everyone is thrown off. They successfully went through the end only a couple of times right before our performance. My captains are brilliant geniuses (and good senior friends who both happen to live on my hall). Me, along with the girl I was dancing with in the blue, are going to be the captains together next year.
Here’s the Breakdance video. I’m in the beginning, boy/girl pairing, and very end.
*spelled incorrectly purposefully
When someone tells you “You’re such a beautiful and nice person. You are a good person.”
Posted: April 9, 2012 Filed under: Life, personal development, Quick Thoughts Leave a comment »And the tears pour down harder.
In that moment you breathe a deep sigh of relief.
Because somewhere, deep down inside, you didn’t believe it.
Exam Week
Posted: February 15, 2012 Filed under: Life, Randomness, school 2 Comments »Hey everyone! So, it’s exam week over at my little bubble of science & mathery and I’m done with Chemistry! Woot woot! *hands up in the air like I just don’t care* A Computer Science final project also down, so 3 more exams to go. American Studies, Precalculus (which is incidentally much harder that Calculus), and Japanese. Precalculus isn’t really an intro to Calculus. It’s where all of the random math subject matter gets thrown in. I studied pretty intensely for Chemistry and I’m glad it was my first exam because I got to get the most challenging subject out of the way. Today was also Valentine’s Day. The best part of it was all of the candy, baked goods and food that was thrown around <3. *insert sigh about highschool boys*
So, how have I been doing lately? how have I been?
I don’t even know what to say. This school has been the most intense experience I have ever taken under my wing. I practically live in a bubble. There’s this culture here that you can’t really find anywhere else which is why it’s difficult to explain to people. There aren’t any methods of comparison. Whenever I go out to the “real world”, it feels so weird. That there are these other living breathing people who aren’t enrolled in my classes, who have very different lives of their own. When you try to explain things about the school you make so many references to SSM specific things that you have to stop and explain the little parts. I almost forget that the world isn’t made up of very weird, interesting, hardworking, and good looking teenagers.
The best thing about the school is definitely the abundant amount of opportunities. Relationships, classes, language seminars, clubs, etc. It’s interesting to see what you end up manifesting in the school.
So yeah, I just felt like writing a random update. Maybe I’ll do it more often. maybe.
Becoming Unshakable
Posted: November 23, 2011 Filed under: Life 4 Comments »No matter what happens externally, nothing can truly shake me. I remember this. It doesn’t matter whats happening in the outer world. I’m am always safe and secure. Whenever that re-realization hits me and I really mean hits me, I am okay. I stop looking for love, control, safety and security outside of myself because I know it is fruitless. I know that it doesn’t matter. We usually think if only Sally stopped eating her corn on the cob vertically, I WOULDN’T BE BOTHERED ANYMORE. Life becomes an attempt to manipulate the people and circumstances around us. Realize that you’re okay. Whatever happens, you are okay. And you are loved.
Haunted Farm
Posted: October 22, 2011 Filed under: Life, school Leave a comment »I can’t even begin to describe how this school has changed me. It’s a bit of a push/pull relationship. Sometimes i love it, other times not so much. There have been moments where I’ve seriously considered leaving but I don’t think I’d actually go through with it. Tonight, I went to a haunted farm complete with a corn maze, tractor, and haunted house. It was nice. It was nice getting off campus, seeing real, live people. That sounds weird but all of my friends could oddly agree to the sentiment. We live in zombie-town, land of the sleep deprived. When students leave campus, it’s referred to as “popping the bubble” because, we effectively live in bubble.
Not that I paid much attention to the news before, but I hear even less about the world now. Sometimes it’s easy to forget that the world doesn’t consist of 4 large buildings, teenagers, and a few supervising adults because that’s all I see on a daily basis. There are people who don’t understand the school/campus/teacher oriented references or use the fad words. So, yes it was nice hitting up the haunted farm full of their local middle school kids. Breaking routine. We all made an agreement not to talk about schoolwork while we were there.
Pokemon
A couple of days ago I dressed up as Pikachu, and ran around the school during happy half while my friend was dressed as Ash, throwing pokeballs at me. There was also the theme song playing in the background. I kept my hood on the whole time so I couldn’t see, but apparently there was a crowd of people chasing me at some point. People kept grabbing me and I’d run into some random dude’s arms because they were trying to catch me.
Ahhh, now it’s the weekend. I’ll study, relax, and grab some chai tea off campus with my friends later. How are you guys doing? I hope you’re having a fabulous weekend!
School: Life at Math and Science
Posted: October 2, 2011 Filed under: Life, school Leave a comment »General Life Update
I’ve been having a lot of fun at my new school. It really is a very different experience living with your best friends. I go outside of my hallway and there are all of my classmates, just chillin’. At the same time, I’m working on completely eliminating, or at least lowering, my stress levels. The courses are rigorous and really require you to think and study. At my old school I barely ever studied and got straight A’s. Different story at SSM.
My Favorite Class
Japanese. Because I can just make up creative/weird stories in my head all day and it counts as work or something.
Example: The adjective dangerous in Japanese is ‘abunai.’
I picture Aladdin and Abu during the night in the sandy and egyptian-esque background. Abu running to go into a pyramid while Aladdin shouts “Abu! Abu! It’s dangerous at night!”
Plus, I’m interested in moving to Japan one day so that helps. At first I was failing the class, hardcore. I probably had a like a 7%. Suwa sensei, my teacher, teaches the class in entirely japanese. Eh, me no comphrende. So, erm, that means I didn’t understand directions and I didn’t know when there were tests. Err, what was homework again? After a couple of weeks I got over the learning curve, caught up with the class, and learned the common phrases and vocabulary my teacher uses. Now, I’m doing really well in the course. The grade is an ‘A’ though I feel like Japanese is a living, breathing thing, not something to grade. Who cares if you ace a language course if you can’t actually apply it? Someone may be able to conjugate verbs on paper but forget what they’ve learned and sound like an unnatural robot in front of a native speaker. But I think most of my classmates don’t plan on applying it anyway…
Dorms
Unlike some halls, mine is super close. I love everybody on greynolds. I visited my old highschool yesterday and it didn’t evoke a good emotional response. I kinda just started thinking about all of the people and somewhat traumatizing memories there. I also realized that I didn’t joke around nearly as much as I do at my new school. There are many less social inhibitions at my new school so I’m perpetually acting like a spazz. And the great thing is, people join me there! And accept me. I just got weird looks at my old highschool. It’s wonderful being a part of a close knit community.
Food
I’m much less picky about what I eat, now that I live in a dormitory. But, I do generally eat as healthily as I can. I snack and eat conventional junky foods when I bum off of my friends. We all share food on my hall. I’m the type of student who eats organic ramen with kimchi and seaweed… I also eat a lot of fruit if I’ve stocked up. For lunch and dinner I’ll usually go to the PFM (cafeteria). Their food is usually a hit or a miss, it’s not too bad, especially for free food.
Skin
About a month in I realized that the lack of sleep and stress was really taking a toll on my skin. At home I could get away with just splashing my face with lukewarm water in the morning. I ordered an organic facial scrub and moisturizer. I also make sure to cleanse my face with a towel and hot water in the morning to get off any oil and dirt that accumulated during the night. Just adding these couple of things made a huge difference.
Time
It’s very valuable. My days can sometimes be filled to the brim with activities and homework. In my free time I often take naps, or release. My school is also known as zombieland because of how little people sleep there. I’ve heard that some people regularly pull all nighters… icky. I haven’t done that yet… I’ve already had trouble keeping up and I have easy schedule if you were compare mine to a genius senior’s. They always go easy on juniors during the first trimester… Oh, and yes, my school goes by trimesters, not semesters. Just another way for us to complete more intense work in a shorter time period.
But I also feel like the school expects us to stay up really late and doesn’t make it any easier for us to go to sleep earlier. You can’t sleep any earlier than 10:30 pm unless you go to the lobby and sign early check. Check is when students sign a sheet on hall to basically tell the school hey I’m here.
Only 1/3 of applicants get in… I know some former classmates of mine who were really crushed when they weren’t accepted. I’ve read accounts of hopefuls who list all of their accomplishments and ask people what their chances are of getting in. The school is not all butterflies, rainbows, and unicorns as it may seem. People drop out at the beginning and throughout the year because they don’t feel it’s for them. Sometimes students are downright miserable from the workload. The school also does expel a good number of students… in my opinion, sometimes unfairly.
All in all, I’m glad I’ve had this opportunity and I love my friends. The adults aren’t watching us like hawks and I have a lot of fun adventures.
Oh yeah, and radical turtle will look the same for a while actually..
Pride Parade
Posted: October 1, 2011 Filed under: humor, Life | Tags: gay, parade, pride Leave a comment »I went to the gay pride parade. I thought it’d be fun, especially with my friends. Though I think real change (with rights, beliefs, and all that jazz) takes place less in the physical and internally instead. Near the end of the parade, it started raining men. Somehow I ended up walking to my Jewish friend’s rabbi’s house as a tagalong. After a 40 minute or so walk barefoot in the pouring rain, we were drenched and dirty from playing in street puddles. We then went to a local pizza place with bad crust and very oily cheese where we paid in all ones and exact change. I think we looked like pitifully wet, gay (we were wearing tie dye for the pride parade), homeless teenagers. A friend familiar to the city landscape took us through the off-limits sketchy shortcut where a suspicious man spoke loudly to us from behind. Keep walking, don’t make eye contact (felt safer with 2 black belt friends). I finally reached my dormitory where I took a long, hot shower… so good. I later soaked my very pretty, but dirty, dress in color safe bleach alternative Tide overnight and the colors noticeably faded.
It’s always nice to tell the story behind the dress.
Regenerate
Posted: September 23, 2011 Filed under: Life, Randomness, school Leave a comment »I’m moving. On the web-asphere, that is. When you go onto radicalturtle.com in a couple of days it’ll look a bit different.
Changes
I no longer have the time nor the energy to churn out blog posts… Okay, the time-thing is an excuse, it always is. What I mean is, radicalturtle is no longer one of my top priorities… I’m trying to balance the three S’s of SSM (school of science and math).
- Sleeping
- Socializing
- Studying
So, my posts will be much more casual, maybe just a musing from the day, or whatever I feel like. I might start writing about different aspects about the school, my day, my grades, whatevs you know.
School
I got my grades back yesterday… Somehow, I don’t care about numbers as much as I used to. It’s probably because barely anyone in this school actually gets straight A’s even when we did in our home highschool. This school doesn’t rank students, or have a valedictorian either.
Somewhere along the line I forgot that education is actually supposed to educate and teach us. We can make connections between subjects to better understand the world as a whole. If you’re just cramming, not enjoying yourself, and doing everything for the sake of grades, when you look back, what was the point?
Boarding School: Down and Dirty Recap
Posted: September 16, 2011 Filed under: Life, school Leave a comment »Here’s a brief recap of my time spent at my new school thus far. Enjoy ~
Week 1:
It’s time to PARRRTAYYY!
Then, classes start.
What the hell are people saying? Where is everything?
Our school has a special language of TLAs – three letter acronyms. It’s not a cafeteria, no, it’s the PFM (professional food management). Let’s go down to the PEC (physical education center).
Argh argh argh I’m so lost. Argh argh argh, I slept through a class. Hur hur hur (cry-i noises) so many classes at so many different times everyday. HOW DO I DISPENSE SOAP?
Dawwww, thank you senior brother for the gift.
Fun Fact: My school was an abandoned hospital. What does that mean? The school is built a little oddly and we have lots of spooky ghost stories. Plus, I live in the morgue. The most infamous of the ghost stories? A nurse went through the underground Hill tunnel and was never seen again. Apparently, you can still hear her heels clicking at night. It was featured on some ghost stories type tv show.
Week 2:
EARTHQUAKE
Then FIRE – (lol, my roommate set a toaster oven on fire in the mini kitchen of a hall above us. we were all chillin, just making omelets…)
HURRICANNNE
All the teachers are actually giving us work now… Bonding with my hallmates. Man, I love my hallmates.
Fun Fact: Every Sunday – Thursday night we have “Happy Half.” A good chunk of students congregate in the middle of the school, near the swings (which 2 of my hallmates got it to stop squeaking! so appreciative) to talk and have fun from 10 pm- 10:25 pm. At 10:30 we have ‘check’ where we have to be on hall and sign in.
Week 3:
TORNADO
MORE SCHOOL WORK
I turn my bed, a bottom bunk, into a cozy enclave since my roommate stays up studying. Man, I so… tired… Look! I have free time. Must take…. a nap…. zzz….
I have no food left! I must rely on the PFM for my nutritional needs.
Extended weekend – time to visit home! Eh, I sleep and do practically nothing with my time. I buy lots of food too.
Fun Fact: My school mascot is a unicorn.
Week 4:
Picture day! More hall activities. More fun with all of my friends. More work. More Chemistry, Intermediate Japanese, American Studies, and Precalculus. College Eve, wherein I sign up for the airforce with a ‘pen name’ for a snowcone. My senior convinces me to leave campus without signing out.
Fun Fact: My school is composed of only juniors and seniors. That means that each class only knows each other for one year. This makes it harder to keep up certain SSM culture/clubs and make long term changes.
Me, a junior, would call someone who has just graduated the past school year a “grand senior.” The “grand senior” was my senior’s senior (while they were a junior). Get it? Some who graduated 2 years ago would be a “grand grand senior.” This is how we refer to past generations.
Junior (me) –> Senior –> Grand Senior –> Grand Grand Senior –> etc…
Week 5 (current):
I go on a carb free diet with 3 of my hallmates. I feel much cleaner and lighter. Good BMs. There’s a cookout tonight! for my building. Not to mention, it’s friday friday gotta get down on friday….
Fun Fact: People would think my school is entirely comprised of nerds, which it is to an extent, but our school also excels in athletics. The boys soccer team is went to Nationals last year. The girls tennis team wins state championship.
Also, the people here are kind with interesting back stories. Scattered among us are some superstar geniuses.
The school is somewhat like a college yet retains some odd highschool-y points since we’re still minors. I live on a closed campus so to get into any building in the school I have to have a fob. It’s a plastic thingy majiger that you have to swipe to open doors. We call it a fob, but no, it doesn’t mean FOB. I received a plain, navy blue fob without a design from a previous student so I painted it with nail polish. If it already has a design, you just paint over it. I wear my fob as a necklace.
Generally, school is very fun and busy. When I smile at people and say hi in the hallway, a warm euphoria spreads on my face and through my chest because I’m genuinely happy to see them =)
