Is Resisting Emotions Causing You Unhappiness?

I’ve had issues with racism and bullying in my small little town in the south. When I look back… I can see how much of my thinking caused this trauma.

I had deeply ingrained beliefs on how my ethnicity somehow made me less of a person… The start of the terror came just before starting highschool in driver’s ed class. Two boys taunted me saying “chicken wing!” I know one of them was just doing it to fit in with his friend and I saw how he genuinely felt bad afterwards…

Note: I am not saying bullied people are at fault. I know people all up into the Law of Attraction may say this for illnesses, rape, etc. but the blame game could just end up in depression. We are all on unique and magical journeys towards our own realizations and experiences.

Much of my internal conflict manifested outwards and as people bullied me more, the worse it got. Thankfully, I now feel much more at peace with myself. I thought it was over it at the beginning of 10th grade but if I had really looked at the emotional sign posts then I would’ve realize that, oh no, it wasn’t (delusionnns). A boy in my music theory class played an oriental tune on the keyboard everyday as I entered the classroom *laughs*. I felt I was being singled out and I resisted the ‘negative’ emotions arising within me. Eventually I had a breakdown after someone bowed to me, cracking an Asian joke.

Like a BREAKDOWN of tears streaming down my face with 4 boys watching me, not knowing what to do or say. They listened to my story and consoled me. The boy who bowed didn’t actually mean anything by it but felt terrible. They all hugged me afterwards. Tangent: one of the boys later fell in love with me later that semester hohohoho….

Today, i can honestly say that I am comfortable and 95.3% (I’m a mathematical genius) healed from the traumatic events. My friends and math teacher frequently crack jokes about my asianess as do I. This morning Mrs. K did so. I began resisting what I felt when she did. I gulped it down but resisting feelings is like trying to keep ice from bobbing up in water. I kept trying to rationalize with myself, “She was just joking and I know that, I needn’t feel bad about it….” Wait a second. What am I scared of? What is the worst that could possibly happen from feeling my emotions? I’ll put out a “negative vibration”? Whatevs, I can deal with whatever comes my way. So I just felt the feeling. It lasted 5 or so seconds and I wouldn’t say it was even “bad”. Then, it was over. Bam shabam, done. Embracing all kinds of emotions such as sadness and anger are just as important as embracing happiness. Resistance feels worse than the emotions themselves.

It’s so amazing to look at “bad” experiences as catalysts and opportunities for growth. I may wish “gosh, they shouldn’t have done/said that” but who am I to dictate what they should/shouldn’t do? We can just see it for what it really is. Pure, undiluted, and simple.